Part 3: Your Hidden Superpower
Mastering The Art Of Mindful Dialogue
Now that you know the governors of your inner world, it’s time to wield their most powerful tool: communication. This part moves from theory to practice, teaching you how to harness this primal force. You will learn to decode the urgent messages of your thoughts and emotions, master the critical pause between feeling and speaking, and use this mindful awareness to transform your interactions.
Jump to the Following Sections
Table of Contents
Why Should You Improve Your Communication?
(What if one skill could unlock better love, more money, and deeper peace?)
Power of Communication
(It’s not just for humans. It’s the primal force that keeps every living thing alive.)
How do we communicate in general?
(Like a fingerprint, your communication style is yours alone. What is yours saying?)
How to Be Mindful in Our Communication
(The space between a trigger and your reply is where your power lies.)
How to be mindful of Thoughts and Emotions
(Your thoughts and emotions aren’t random—they are urgent messages. What are they telling you?)
The Inner Council on Heartbreak:
(A raw conversation between hurt and wisdom: Who controls your happiness?)
Why Should You Improve Your Communication?
When you improve your communication, you naturally improve your relationships. This, in turn, benefits you in every dimension of your life—mentally, emotionally, financially, and socially.
When you improve your communication with your partner, you open the door to greater freedom, deeper trust, and less stress in your relationship. If something is bothering you, sharing your feelings honestly and without blame can prevent resentment from growing.
When you improve your communication at work—with your boss, colleagues, and customers—you open the door to greater success, career advancement, and financial well-being.
And when you improve your communication in your social life, it helps create harmony and understanding between friends. If a problem arises, addressing it openly and honestly is the clearest path to resolution.
Growth and expansion are facts of life. Everything in our world grows and evolves—our children, our knowledge, technology, understanding, relationships, and communication are all in a constant state of becoming.
We, too, are meant to grow. Our happiness, wealth, quality of life, living standards, and even our technology, all must expand. So too must our relationships and our communication, for growth is not just something that happens around us, but within and through us.
Every relationship and every act of communication in your life holds the potential to grow, to deepen, and to improve. Whether it’s with a partner, a parent, a child, or a friend, there is always room to understand more, listen better, and connect more truly.
We have relationships with many people—family, friends, colleagues, and others. With each, we share conversations, and through those exchanges, our connections take shape.
Some of these relationships flow smoothly, while others feel strained. Some conversations leave us understood and uplifted, while others leave us frustrated or unheard. And while some bonds bring us joy, others may bring tension or disappointment.
Among them, there are always those relationships that matter deeply to us—the ones we truly wish to keep, nurture, and bring into greater harmony.
You may not be ready to improve every relationship in your life—and that’s perfectly natural. But if there are one or two that truly matter to you, relationships you deeply wish were stronger, closer, or more peaceful, then this chapter is for you.
The insights that follow will offer you gentle guidance and practical wisdom. Your time here will be well spent—not just in reading, but in planting seeds for more meaningful connection.
All relationships can be understood in three forms, each producing a distinct mental state: happy, unhappy, or neutral.
Your connection with a parent, partner, or close friend may bring happiness, while a relationship with another friend might cause unhappiness or strain. Meanwhile, your interaction with a gardener or a stranger on the street is often neutral—what we might call impartial—carrying no strong emotional charge in either direction.
Power of Communication
Communication is a fundamental characteristic of all living beings. It is not unique to humans; animals, too, rely on communication to survive and interact with their world.
We use communication to express our thoughts, intentions, and emotions. For example, when we feel angry with someone, we are conveying unhappiness, disappointment, or disapproval.
Similarly, animals communicate through sounds and physical signals. A bird changes its call when seeking a mate. Some creatures shift their posture or colors to attract a partner. A dog’s growl tells us we’ve crossed a boundary, while a wagging tail invites us closer.
In this way, communication is woven into existence itself, every living being connects, signals, and responds in order to survive and relate.
To improve our relationships, we must first become aware of their core components: our thoughts, intentions, emotions, and the verbal or non-verbal expressions they produce. This awareness is the first step toward meaningful change.
For instance, if something in a relationship troubles us, we must consciously recognize the thoughts and emotions behind it and then express them with clarity and care. No matter what our current skill, we can always refine our ability to connect—not only to speak more truly, but to listen, understand, and grow alongside others.
How do we communicate in general?
Just as we each have unique fingerprints, we each possess a unique communication style. Some people are vocal and direct, while others are quiet and reserved. Some communicate with openness and honesty, others with caution or indirectness. Communication can be driven by a desire to connect and understand, or by a need to win an argument and be right. Many feel hesitant or fearful about expressing their true thoughts and emotions.
Like no two tigers share the same stripes, no two humans share the same way of communicating. Our style is as personal as our presence in the world.
Even though we each have a unique style of communication, we are all expressing the same inner world: our thoughts, emotions, and intentions.
For instance, anger may be expressed very differently depending on your style. A vocal person might use sharp words, while a quiet person may remain silent yet convey frustration through tense posture or a hardened gaze. In both cases, the underlying message communicates displeasure, disagreement, or hurt.
This principle extends beyond humans. Animals, too, express their inner states—through sounds, gestures, and postures. Whether human or animal, communication remains the universal bridge between the inner experience and the outer world.
No matter what our communication style, expressing our true thoughts, emotions, and intentions is not always easy—often because we ourselves are unaware or unclear about them. We can improve by gently turning our attention inward, becoming more mindful of what lies beneath our words and gestures. With greater awareness comes clearer, more authentic connection.
How to Be Mindful in Our Communication
Awareness is the most important skill we can develop in our life. It not only improves our communication, but also deepens our relationships and brings greater clarity and success to our work, business, and social lives. Ultimately, it leads us toward a truer understanding of who we are.
Our mind is like water; when a rock is thrown into a pond of still water, it creates waves. Similarly, when a problem enters your mind or someone’s criticism enters your mind, it creates waves of emotions and makes your mind blurry and blocks you from understanding deeper meaning of the problem or the criticism.
Our emotions deeply influence our communication, often coloring our words and guiding our tone before we even realize it. Our emotions can steer a conversation toward connection or conflict. When emotions run high, our mind becomes cluttered, making it difficult to process what is happening or being said.
Think of your mind as a still lake, and your emotions are the winds that ripple its surface. When storms of anger, worry, and fear pass through, the reflection of your true self is lost in the turbulence.
With this understanding, we can now explore how to be more mindful in our everyday conversations. And we can learn to balance our mind and emotions without letting them overwhelm or overpower us
We know that we are unique individuals, we each possess a unique inner world of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. No one is meant to think, feel, or behave exactly like you. When you truly understand this fundamental truth from the bottom of your heart, it becomes easier to communicate with others.
How to be mindful of Thoughts and Emotions
Thoughts and emotions are the dominating forces of our communication. Everything we experience in life involves an object, a thought, and an emotion.
An object is something we perceive with our five senses—anything we can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. We can categorize these as visible objects, audible objects, and so on. When we experience an object, it creates a thought in our mind. Every thought, in turn, creates an emotion in our heart, and every emotion results in one of three mental states: happy, unhappy, or neutral.
For example, running into someone special can make you happy. Running into someone you don’t like can make you unhappy. And running into a stranger typically creates a neutral feeling.
Similarly, when someone speaks to you with kind or harsh words, which are audible objects, it will create a corresponding emotion.
This same universal truth applies to all our communications. If someone’s words, tone of voice, and body language are positive, they will create a happy emotion in you. Conversely, if that person uses harsh words or a negative tone, it will create unhappy emotions.
Since we already know that we are unique individuals, why do we waste time and energy on someone else’s unique thoughts and emotions, letting other people poison our minds and hearts?
We can’t change other people, just as we can’t change their fingerprints. No one can eat for you, just as you can’t eat for them. All we can do is change ourselves, our minds, our attitudes, and how we perceive things—through mindful awareness. When we do this, our emotions begin to change automatically and naturally.
So, how can we use this wisdom when we have an important conversation with a partner, boss, or friend? The first thing we need to do is examine our own thoughts, emotions, and intentions on the matter. We must learn to be a neutral observer of our inner world, without judgment and without placing blame on others or ourselves.
To do this, we can ask ourselves questions such as:
What do I believe in this situation? Do I see it as right or wrong, respectful or disrespectful?
What is the core message I want to convey?
How do I truly feel? Am I happy, sad, angry, worried, hurt, or feeling cheated?
What are my intentions and expectations? What do I hope the other person will understand or do?
What changes do I expect the other person to make?
Most importantly, what changes do I need to make within myself?
This may look like a long list, but the more questions you ask yourself, the easier it becomes to convey your message clearly and completely. If it helps, you can write these questions and your answers on a piece of paper. If the conversation is important to you, then it is worth taking the time to investigate your thoughts, emotions, and intentions. This process helps to unclutter your mind and heart. When your mind is free from clutter, you can think clearly, without the weight of emotional baggage.
Suppose you suspect your partner is having an affair, but you’re afraid to confront them because you worry it will seem like you don’t trust them. How can you handle this situation with both calmness and firmness?
This is how I would handle this situation. Before I speak, I always engage in an internal dialogue with my subconscious mind. I treat my subconscious as my supreme teacher, my friend, and my trusted buddy, consistently turning to it for guidance whenever I face a problem or feel confused. This practice helps me to clarify my thoughts and settle my emotions before I speak. To illustrate how this works, I will present this inner process as a conversation between my conscious and subconscious minds.
The Inner Council on Heartbreak:
Conscious: Dude, I have a problem.
Subconscious: What’s up?
Conscious: I think my girlfriend is having an affair.
Subconscious: So, what’s the problem?
Conscious: Well, I love her and I don’t want to lose her.
Subconscious: Do you want to talk to her about it?
Conscious: Not right now. I’m not sure if I’m right or wrong, and I don’t want her to think that I don’t trust her.
Subconscious: Okay, fair enough. So, tell me, if this is true, how do you feel?
Conscious: Well, I’m hurt, sad, and angry.
Subconscious: If you’re angry, you should wait to talk to her. Why are you angry?
Conscious: Because I love her and I have been faithful to her. It’s just not fair.
Subconscious: Why is it not fair?
Conscious: Because I have been faithful, and I have a right to expect her to do the same.
Subconscious: Why? Do you think you own her? Even her mother doesn’t own her.
Conscious: Yes, that’s true. But I have been faithful, and I just think it’s not fair.
Subconscious: Just because you have been faithful, do you expect her to be faithful too?
Conscious: Yes, of course.
Subconscious: It sounds like you depend on other people for your happiness.
Conscious: What do you mean?
Subconscious: You expect her to think, feel, and act in a certain way so that you can be happy.
Conscious: Well, I guess. What do you want me to do?
Subconscious: You know better, sir. Stop depending on other people for your happiness. Others are not responsible for your happiness; you are. Don’t give your personal power to others and let them control you like a puppet. It’s as if you’re handing them a remote and saying, “Push this button to make me sad, and this one to make me angry.”
Conscious: Yes, you are right. Thank you. But I’m still hurt.
Subconscious: That’s okay. Thank you for your honesty. Tell me why.
Conscious: Well, I have loved her all this time, and I hate losing her.
Subconscious: Do you think you can force her to love you the way you love her?
Conscious: No, but it would be nice if she could.
Subconscious: Sir, you already know she is a unique person with her own fingerprints, just like you. You can’t control how she thinks, feels, and acts, just like you can’t control the weather. So, stop trying to control other people. Let her be herself and find her own happiness, and you focus on being you and finding your own happiness.
Conscious: Yes, you are right. But I’m still hurt.
Subconscious: Why?
Conscious: Well, I’m going to miss her.
Subconscious: Yes, you will. But that is life, sir. Everything changes; nothing is permanent. Everything rises and falls, just like your breath. Your mind, your feelings, what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—it’s all constantly changing. So, stop trying to hold on to things as if they will last forever. Even this sorrow will not last; it will disappear one day. Remember how sad you were when you broke up with your last girlfriend? You aren’t sad about that anymore. It’s gone. This sadness will disappear, too. So, be patient and let life take its course. There are no accidents in life, sir. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this will pave the way for you to find your true soulmate.
Conscious: Thank you very much, sir. I got it.
Subconscious: You are very welcome, sir. But remember, you still need to talk to her and find out what is really going on. And when you do, be nice. Don’t try to blame her or force her to think and feel like you.
Conscious: You got it, my man.
Subconscious: And if she is leaving because of a mistake you made, then we need to talk again and find out how we can fix it and make the relationship better for both of you.
Conscious: You got it, sir. Thank you so much for clearing my mind and heart.
Subconscious: You are very welcome, sir. I will always be here for you, my man.
Conscious: Thank you, sir.
This is a true story from a previous chapter of my life, reflecting an actual internal conversation I had with myself. It demonstrates a powerful technique that anyone can use to navigate difficult situations and conversations. By clarifying our thoughts, emotions, and intentions, we can learn to free ourselves from unnecessary emotional suffering.
Directness and honesty are vital in our internal and external conversations. The more open and truthful you are with yourself, the more answers you will find within. Remember, before we can be truly honest with others, we must first learn to be direct and honest with ourselves.
